if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
