I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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