my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
