so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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