it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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