New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
