Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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