just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
