Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
how does that bad decision feel?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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