Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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