She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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