his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
