All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't deserve a penis
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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