hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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