guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
