my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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