Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
