just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
