You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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