i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
false alarm. still invincible.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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