I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
