I need help removing her.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
