I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
