2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
