Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
