How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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