all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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