my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
