no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
