It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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