Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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