so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
