I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
