I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
