How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
