I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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