A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
