No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
