Is it normal to miss your booty call?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
