we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
