I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
