So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
