I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
