I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
