Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Drake has all the answers
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
