She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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