and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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