I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
