tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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