Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
