I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
