great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
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