I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
