margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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