Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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