She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
