Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
