Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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