Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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