Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
