Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
