since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We need a shit load of segways right now
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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