he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
