i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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