he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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