That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
