that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
