Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
