Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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