I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
