dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
